


Mistake

by waitingforaflame



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Feels, Gen, Introspective Jade, Jade's personal feelings on the situation, takes place after that moment in Exceptional Human Beings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29887623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitingforaflame/pseuds/waitingforaflame
Summary: She hadn’t planned for a reunion. It was supposed to be quick, a short, silent goodbye on a rooftop and then quickly disappearing into the waiting shadows. Jade could handle that.
Relationships: Clone Roy Harper | Will Harper/Jade Nguyen, Roy Harper/Jade Nguyen
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> It's been *checks notes* a hot minute since I cried about this scene that broke my heart. Been in a darker mental place lately. Had YJ on the brain, so dove into some introspective Jade feelings for a bit. Hope you enjoy ❤️

After her confrontation with Will, Jade runs far longer than she needs to. Too much is on her mind. Even more is on her heart, weighing on her chest with a ferocity she hasn’t felt in years. It’s a jarring feeling. Seems she’s losing touch on a number of things, as of late. Her shoulder burns, screaming for her to stop, but her instincts tell her she needs to keep going. If she stops, she’ll collapse, and she can’t do that. 

Not here. Not when she’s still close enough to turn around and go running back. 

She hadn’t planned for a reunion. It was supposed to be quick, a short, silent goodbye on a rooftop and then quickly disappearing into the waiting shadows. Jade could handle that. 

What Jade couldn’t handle, apparently, was seeing Will again. Seeing him meant confronting the reality of her decision. When Jade decided to leave them, she knew the consequences. Lian would grow up without a mother. Artemis would lose her sister again and Will would face another hardship in his already turbulent life. In her mind, Jade had made her peace with it because she knew it was for the best.   
  
Her peace, however, relied entirely on the fact that she wouldn’t have to face the people she’d be hurting. 

The confrontation was entirely her fault. She was supposed to be there for two minutes, tops. Everything had started out fine. She’d found an adjacent rooftop with a decent view, and waited just long enough to get a glimpse. Just one glimpse of her daughter, she’d thought that would be enough. 

And yet, the moment Lian came into view, Jade lingered. A glimpse wasn’t enough. 

Lian was barely two when Jade left. A year had passed, and upon seeing her for the first time since, the fact plowed into her chest like a vehicle going full speed. She looked so much older. Her daughter was growing up, and she wasn’t even there to see it. 

That’s when Jade made her first mistake— she stayed to watch her. She watched as Artemis pulled her laptop out of her bag and started working at the kitchen table, pausing every so often to pet Lian’s head before continuing her conversation with the Quaraci refugee they were currently housing. She watched her husband spoon out ridiculous portions of ice cream and serve it to everyone at the table, saving himself for last. It was so like him, leaving himself for last, that it sent another pang through Jade’s heart.

Her second mistake— she allowed herself to sit there and miss them. 

For so long, Jade had told herself she was better off alone. She’d found the notion of family childish, a fantasy better lived in fairytales. Families are liabilities, people who hold you down, or worse, be used against you. She rejected that idea entirely. And then, she’d made the brilliant decision to fall in love. Go figure. 

Of course, she wasn't dumb. She didn't see a white picket fence and two dogs in their future, not even when Lian was born. She’d helped him find Speedy for her daughters sake, not so they could play house in the suburbs of Star City. And yet, Jade let herself play along. She’d sit at the kitchen table and feed the baby, tossing out endless quips as Will cooked them both breakfast. They ran errands. Evenings were spent sparring, or in the rare instances where Lian slept for more than an hour at a time, they would indulge in a little television. When Artemis moved in, it became even more of a joke. A real sitcom. 

For the briefest of moments, Jade had allowed herself to feel comfortable. That’s when she snapped out of it.

The very things that she once found endearing— Lian’s laughter, the sound of Will’s alarm clock, Artemis studying at the kitchen table— immediately became suffocating. She couldn’t sleep. Every insecurity she’d ever had played nonstop in her mind. Rational thoughts. Irrational thoughts. They rang all the same, loud and constant. She had no business being there. More than that, her very presence endangered them.   
  
And so, she’d told herself they were better off without her. It became her mantra. Every contrary thought she had, every time she so much as entertained the idea of staying, all it took was that same, monotone phrase to shut it down fast. It didn’t matter if it hurt. Pain was something she was used to. 

When Jade left them, she made it quick, in the early hours of the morning when everyone was sound asleep. She left a note on her pillow for Will to read when he woke up. There were so many things she wanted to say, but in the end, the only thing she could manage was “I’m sorry”. Because it was true. She was. 

After that, she kept busy. If she kept moving, kept working, then she didn't have to think. If her mind wasn’t kept busy, she would start thinking about them. Did Lian still remember her? Was Will’s new company successful? How did Artemis do on her final exam for that class she hated? Those thoughts were dangerous. No matter how many assignments she took, how many Shadow jobs, how many times she would tell herself that they were better off without her, heer mind kept turning to them. 

It was odd. This had never been an issue for her before. 

On the day that celebrated an entire year since her departure, she found herself up on the rooftop. One more time. Just once more, to see that they really were just fine, and then she’d disappear out of their lives, for good. 

As she sat there, watching and missing them, she saw exactly that. They were just fine. Lian didn’t really need her. There she was, smiling, without a care in the world. Will seemed happy. Even Artemis was flourishing. Her presence wasn’t needed. Not in the least. It was exactly what she’d come to see, and yet, it left her hollow. 

And then, Jade let her guard slip. Two minutes turned into ten. Then fifteen. That’s when she made her third mistake— when Will came outside, she didn’t leave immediately. 

In retrospect, she should have. At the time, she even wanted to. But she didn’t. Something about his voice, low and smooth, sent a shiver down her spine. His eyes, his words, begged her to stay. His fingers on her chin, and the way his hands made her feel safe. It was everything she’d pushed away, told herself that she didn’t need, or deserve. 

When she finally turned away from him, her eyes burned. The tears come without warning, hot and sudden, trickling down her cheeks as she fights hard to keep her voice even. She told him she wasn’t coming back. She meant it. 

Jade has exactly one safehouse in the area, on the outskirts of Star City. It isn’t big, or even nice. It takes everything in her to keep going, to keep running until she reaches it. When she finally gets inside, her legs give out from underneath her. She collapses on the floor, her breath coming out in hard, ragged gasps. 

She still sees Will’s face in her mind. The touch of his fingers lingers on her skin, and it feels like there’s a gaping hole in her chest, hurting worse than the one put in her shoulder by a bullet. 

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense. She knew she’d never be able to see her daughter grow up. She knew that there wouldn’t be any more afternoon outings to the park, or lazy weekend mornings waking up in her husband’s arms. She knew that she wouldn’t be there to see Lian’s first day of school, or her high school graduation. She knew all of this. Jade had made her peace with it, so why did it hurt so much?

The tears come harder, faster, the more she thinks about it. Lian’s smile is burned into her mind, and she realizes that she’ll never be able to hold her again. She’ll never get to run her fingers through her hair again, or hear her high-pitched babble. These were all things she told herself she didn’t need, and she knew she didn’t, but god, she wants them so badly that it consumes her whole. 

Jade stays like this for a while, on the floor, trying to regain control of her breathing. She can’t do this again. Knowing that she’s missing out is one thing. Seeing it happen is something else entirely. Slowly, she picks herself up, leaning against the wall for support. 

It’s for the best, she tells herself, over and over until the tears stop. Jade wouldn’t have made a good mother anyway. Or a wife, or a sister, for that matter. Will, Artemis, Lian… they’re better off without her. Eventually, her presence will become nothing but a distant memory to them. A bitter taste in the back of their throats, one easily washed away. 

As for her, she will manage. Pain, no matter how intense, is temporary. Eventually, Jade will stop thinking about what might have been. She will take comfort knowing that they’re safe, and happy. Even if it hurts. Even if she wants nothing more than to see them, she will stay away. 

Just like she told Will, it’s time to move on. For the both of them.


End file.
